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Learn to Think Positively to Attract a Positive Life

8 Mar

You're aaalways complaining!

I’m still young, I’m only 24 years old, but for as long as I have lived, I learned that being negative doesn’t do you any good. I used to be a negative person, especially when I was still in university, when tasks were piling up, and life crisis and issues started to strike – I was sooo negative. I didn’t get what I want by complaining either..

Complaining all the time is the ultimate bad habit of all human beings. However then I realised that complaining doesn’t take me anywhere. So I learnt how to be more positive and more appreciative of myself. If I keep complaining, the things that I complain about would only get worse, and I won’t have a chance to enjoy it, to succeed in it, or to even face it. There are a lot of ways to be a happier person:

Stop comparing yourself to other people. You should love yourself and appreciate yourself. Let’s start from there, if you love yourself, your life will love you in return.

Every day, list the things you are happy about, or the things you can be thankful for, even small things such as “my blanket is so soft and warm, I could sleep well last night” or “I like the sound of the chirping birds”. Write down a minimal of 3 things you can be thankful about. That will gradually make you a more positive person each day, and great things will come by itself because you’ve welcomed them in and attracted them with the positive energy.

Smile, even though you’re having a bad day, help other people – and other people will help you, share, love each other, respect one another.

Alexia.

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It’s OK To Be Jealous, As Long As You’re Under Control

14 Jan

Jealousy..

Jealousy/envy is a natural human emotion. Everyone will have the taste of jealousy during their lifetime. However, jealousy should be controlled so it wouldn’t disadvantage ourselves and other people. There are two types of jealousy.

1. The “healthy” type of jealousy. The healthy type of jealousy is when someone feels encouraged to do better and work harder when they feel jealous. People who have a “healthy” type of jealousy don’t hold grudges or anger. For example, they admit it to the friend that they are jealous of.. “Damn, I am so jealous of you!” but they  feel happy for their friend at the same time.

2. The “unhealthy” type of  jealousy. This type of jealousy causes an individual to talk negatively about someone that they are jealous of. They hold grudges, and sometimes covers their jealousy by trying to sound more important and smarter than the person they’re jealous of, just to portray themselves as being superior. People like this aren’t usually happy when other people achieve, they don’t like seeing other people happy. Some jealous people have obsessive competitive nature and sometimes imitate the people they envy.

If you get jealous easily, you should remember these points:

1. Learn to love yourself.

2. Appreciate yourself, don’t ever push yourself to do things that is beyond your ability.

3. Everybody is different, we all have strengths and weaknesses.

4. Sometimes it’s just all in your head. You’re putting yourself down.

5. Sometimes, the environment around you dictates what is “good” or “bad”, so don’t worry too much when someone else judges you as being “not good enough” for their environment.

6. Find your own strengths, develop it, and be yourself.

7. Find the positive side of the jealousy, use the jealousy as an encouragement for you to do better and work harder.

… and these are the things you should NOT do when you are jealous..

1. Talking negatively about the person you envy. It just makes you sound stupid, and it’s clear that you’re only trying to cover up your jealousy.

2. Imitate the person you envy (obsessive competitiveness)

3. Getting other people to talk negatively about the person you envy.

However, if someone is jealous of you, this is how you can handle the situation…

1. Just ignore them. Focus on your activities. Don’t let a jealous person affect your daily life.

2. When they are being mean to you, you be nice to them.

3. If they want competition, or when they start imitating you, be patient, don’t let your emotions get in the way.

4. Do not go down to their level.

Alexia.

The Word ‘Narcissist’ is So Overused in Indonesia..

5 Jan

You're such a narcissist!

In Indonesia, the word ‘narcissist’ is overused. People here tease each other constantly with that word, even though in the past, the word ‘narcissist’ was not as easily used as it is now, and seen as something much more serious. Because people overuse the word, the meaning is gone, and the judgment of what a ‘narcissist’ is, is different to what it used to be.

What is a narcissist?

If someone is a narcissist, it means that they are sooo in love with themselves, they are too proud, and they admire themselves too much.

Where did the word ‘narcissist’ come from?

The word ‘narcissist’ came from Greek Mythology. A character named Narcissus fell in love with his own reflection in the water.

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is when a person loves him/herself too much. They have a big sense of self-admiration, self-absorption, and very self-centred. They usually can’t see the effect that they are putting on other people. These people are highly arrogant, too confident and too self-assured. They always demand to be seen as the superior person. However, someone can be judged as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder when their behaviours are persistent and when they start disadvantaging other people. People who suffer from NPD usually experienced a bad childhood. Their parents neglected them, and did not value them. This causes the child to feel undervalued and have a low sense of self worth. The child grows up into a person who wants to cover up their sense of worth, so they create this whole new personality, demands people to love, respect, admire them, put them up in a pedestal. The effect is the complete opposite of what they experienced as a child.

A long time ago, before the word ‘narcissistic’ became a trend in Indonesia, the word ‘narcissistic’ was only be used for people who suffer NPD, or close to suffering NPD. Nowadays, almost everyone on Facebook is judged as being narcissistic.

What kind of traits are seen as ‘narcissistic’ traits nowadays?

1. Taking lots pictures of themselves constantly, and posting them all onto the internet. Or, displaying only photographs of themselves in their house/room.

2. Writing notes/statuses only about themselves.

3. Praising themselves constantly. “I’m so cute”, “I am the coolest of them all”, “If it wasn’t because of me, they wouldn’t be able to do anything.”

The word ‘narcissist’ is ssooooo overused. Even when someone takes a picture of themselves with a mobile phone, people would call it ‘narcissistic photo’. A long time ago, to tell someone that he/she is a narcissist, people would think a lot more and it wasn’t an easy thing to do. It was a tougher judgment. Only lately, the word is so commonly said because it’s a ‘trend’.

There’s nothing wrong with loving yourself, it’s actually important to love yourself. But when you admire yourself too much, then there’s definitely something wrong. Especially when you disadvantage other people because of it. I guess writing a status about yourself all the time on Facebook is not a narcissistic thing to do, unless the status is always about how awesome you are, putting sentences of self-pride and admiration all the time.. now that’s different. A real narcissist annoys other people.

If you would like to read more about narcissism, please click here.

Alexia.

What’s Wrong With Having Dark Skin?

31 Dec

What's wrong with dark skin?

Many Indonesian women desire light skin, even though naturally most of us are born with dark skin, and I don’t know why – but it’s been viewed as something.. well.. unattractive. Why does the Indonesian society prefer light skin? Why do we want to look Caucasian? This might sound really weird to Westerners, they want to have our exotic dark skin! Besides, having dark skin means we have less chances to get skin cancer. I’m used to being teased when I was younger, because my skin is quite dark compared to many other Indonesian women (especially those who live in the big cities)… but it didn’t affect me at all. I’m proud of my dark skin. I am Javanese, and so I should have dark skin. It’s a part of my identity. Be proud of your skin colour, you are born with it!

I find it really funny when I walk into a beauty centre and meet these girls who’s skin colours are not necessarily dark, but still want to make it lighter, and they’re willing to do anything for it, including injections! (to me that is a BIG NO NO). What are you doing to yourself? Isn’t it much better to appreciate who you are? Skin, in any colour would look good if you take care of it properly. Love thyself 🙂

Alexia.